I could have been Prime Minister if it wasn't for me

Suddenly, there goes another one. Well, not suddenly, but we have another downfall of what I can only describe as a toxic male and I don’t think this one is going to make too many people sad. 

Former opposition leader cum bellowing-windbag-of-male-discontent, Mark Latham has been sidelined by his own far-right political party for being too… offensive. You read that right.

Where to start with this guy… actually, I know exactly where to start. Not at the reported bashing of taxi drivers, not at the rumoured complaints by former colleagues, but at the door to a radio studio in 2004.

I was only just back from a few years living away. I had spent three years living and working in the UK, having a ball living the life of the semi-itinerant backpacker. I had supported myself working as a video editor and producer in the TV news industry - which had been booming after September 11. I had voted at Australia House on the Strand in London in the previous election. If I remember, my vote changed for the first time. I had followed my parents into voting conservative, but the ‘children overboard’ election caused me to shy away from the rising fear and loathing generated by the right’s frothing about attacks on our borders, the zealousness of which could be felt all the way over in London. 

Back in Sydney in 2004 though, with the imminent attacks on our borders having strangely never materialised and my beloved Democrats having imploded (RIP), this election was something new, I was an open book again. Come at me, pollies. I’m a green field!

Then, the door. As Mark Latham left the radio studio after an interview, he crossed paths - in front of numerous TV cameras - with incumbent prime minister John Howard, the man he was intent on defeating. Howard did what any politician in this position would and reached out to graciously shake the hand of his opponent. Latham, who stood a head higher than Howard, returned the gesture… sorta. He gripped Howard’s hand like an arm wrestler in a bad 80s action flick and squeezed, all the while staring furiously into Howard’s eyes. Howard firstly met his gaze, then looked a little unamused while Latham continued staring like said bad 80s action flick character. It was Howard who broke the grip, laughed and went into the studio for his own interview. 

He did one more thing, though. Howard gave a laugh and a pat on Latham’s shoulder, dismissing him like it was some kind of waggish, larrikin behaviour not to be taken seriously. Love or hate the guy, Howard still had an acute sense of the will of the Australian people in 2004. It might be my imagination but you can see Howard recognise the wider political moment as a flash of “well, he’s buggered up there” moves across his face. It might have just been ‘god, what a dickhead’ though.

Latham would lose that election. He would stand aside as Labor leader and soon leave parliament altogether. He would also publish a book attacking his former colleagues and the whole political setup - you know, the one he just tried to be the leader of… He could have been Prime Minister if it wasn’t for them!

Interestingly, he backflipped on his previous commitments to ‘the left’. They were now a bunch of ideologues and fakers. He had been one himself only months before but when you are a Reject Shop Saul on the road to Demascus you have to move fast! He would follow the now well-worn path of ex-political-figures-who-never-quite-made-it by becoming a right-wing media ‘commentator’ for our own Reject Shop Fox News. He was gonna get those lefties. He could have been PM…

He’d make a crust out of outrageous comments for a few years, mostly about minorities, the ‘left’ (who are these mythical beings?) and, of course, women. He slagged off Kristina Keneally, a Labor party leading light who, at the time, was definitely anointed for bigger and better things. He got himself sacked from Sky News. You read that right. A short time later, his column was dropped from the Fin for largely the same reasons. 

He returned to politics by joining the Liberal Democratic party in NSW. His flirtation with this catch-all far-right grievance party wouldn’t last. He would depart to become the NSW leader of Pauline Hanson’s One Nation party - our own Reject Shop Tea Party. It would get him elected to the upper house of the NSW Parliament. He was back! He would use this crucial seat to disrupt, delay and destroy, only… he couldn’t. The chips just didn’t fall his way and, most of the time, he wielded precisely zero power to break legislative deadlocks and therefore had similar influence. A man who had vowed to keep the bastards down could barely keep the bastards interested. So, he returned to making outrageous comments and throwing red meat at the electoral supporters who still listened. Women, queers, lefties, erggh, can you believe what they are up to now?

To this end, Bruiser turned up to a conservative christian church in Sydney, presumably to rant about same. If memory serves, he was deadset against trans story time and the whole dragqueenification of our children. Hundreds of counter protesters also showed up to disagree. Mark demanded police escort out of the the church. 

Independent Sydney MP Alex Greenwich is openly gay. He’s also a politician openly opposed to Latham’s whole jam. He tweeted that he thought Latham was “a disgusting person” for participating in the whole caper.

It might have been the type of tweet that I have come to know as a five-scotcher, but Latham claps back with this…

Yuh… the guy actually tweets an 80s schoolyard insult with zero reservations. You can almost hear him using his best "fairy" voice to sound it out and then making a limp wristed gesture to whoever was there.

He would soon delete it but, dollar short day late, Bruiser. It went everywhere.

Greenwich is currently suing Latham over it, citing gay vilification - which is illegal in NSW.

Latham is countering that this is an honestly held opinion - which hasn’t made him any more popular.

The matter is still before the courts.

Then the kicker. One Nation leader Pauline Hanson dismissed Latham as NSW leader. Party insiders claim it was due to mainstream media refusing to have anything to do with him. If only it could have been predicted that the guy dumped from all his previous media gigs would put the rest of the media offside. Pauline sure was blindsided - but I’ve always thought Pauline is surprised when the sun comes up each morning. “There’s that big bright thing AGAIN! Ashby, find out what that is.”

So now he sits in the NSW legislative assembly, representing a party that has sidelined him, wielding next to no power. An embarrassment. An inconvenience.Yet another aging white conservative railing against the world in which they find themselves. Sacked by political parties, media companies, the Australian people. Displaying that absolute neon-sign trait of toxic masculinity - eventually fucking up everything you touch. Poisoning every relationship you have - aside from those with other TMs. He is anti-women, anti-immigrant, anti-democracy, anti-LGBTQI+,anti-everyone-who-isnt-like-me.

But it was all there that day at the studio door in 2004. Not "I will defeat you with superior vision, leadership and, you know, policy", more "I'm gonna badger, bully and intimidate you off the park." Even though it further cemented Howard's xenophobic legacy, thankfully, we had none of it.

And that's the tragedy of not only Mark Latham but so many under the yoke of toxic masculinity - its not "the others". It's them.

Mark Latham could have been Prime Minister - if only it wasn't for him.